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It was sweltering hot in Galveston but Daniel and I agreed to have a meeting with a friend Saturday morning about an upcoming photography event; a very large and prestigious event. As any normal photographer would do, I discussed backgrounds, lighting concerns and last year's issues.
After the consultation, Daniel and I decided to visit Houston Camera Exchange to obtain pricing on new lighting equipment. Although lighting equipment is a plus, my heart yearned to visit the "Used Camera" section. After 45 minutes of lighting and networking, I tiptoed over to the camera body section. There she was, the Nikon 750. The full frame camera was still shiny, even as a used body. Our salesman, Angel (I know, right) continued on about pricing and even discussed other options we had about upgrading. Angel was not pushy and gave us numerous options, we thanked him and parted ways.
Over the last few years, I knew I did not have the proper equipment for professional photography. The love and drive was accessible, but the finances to drop a couple of thousand dollars was not.
Before I knew it, the Sunday sermon came and went and I patiently stood in front for prayer. I had specifically asked this couple to wait, as I wanted my prayer team to have not only empathy but wisdom for my concern. Without a hiccup, the couple prayed for my husband and I, our finances and the proper equipment necessary for my career.
After our fellowship lunch, my husband and I decided go visit another camera store. We went in, I saw the beautiful camera and sweat began beading up in my palms. "We can't afford this right now..."
We calmly discussed the pros and cons once again and thought it might be a good idea to get a confirmation before a sizable purchase.
We sat in the truck, tears filling my eyes with a confirmation from my Pastor, who was also a successful entrepreneur for many years. "You have to have good tools for good jobs." This was exactly what I did not want to hear. I wanted to hear it was fine
to stay in my comfort zone of photography and continue to save up for a professional grade camera. Within minutes my breathing subsided and my Father-in Law, and Pastor said, "Turn and look at your husband and say, I am worthy and I deserve this."
We hung up and my eyes filled with tears as my lower lip trembled and said those very words to Daniel, "I am worthy and I deserve this." Daniel grabbed my hand, squeezed my fingers and said, "Yes, you do."
The cool AC blew my hair back and we told the man in blue, "We would like to purchase the Nikon 750."
At 4:41 p.m. I was walking out with a large gold and black box, filled with new opportunities. I was both excited and nervous.
I sat in the truck, patiently waiting for the common "buyer's remorse" to set in.
Instead, my phone rang. At 4:44 p.m. a familiar voice answered, "Hey!"
After a few minutes of chatting, I began entering "Alexis' Senior Session" in my calendar. We pulled up into our home as I hung up the phone and began tearing up once again.
God provided a job, within three minutes of purchasing a camera I could not bring myself to purchase. I was overwhelmed with fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of debt. My mind was listening to complete nonsense for years and I could not move past the unworthiness, the feeling of not deserving proper equipment because of one excuse or another. There I stood, once again repenting for telling God what I deserved instead of letting Him love me and be the provider in my life.
Silly me.
Photography by: My amazing husband, Daniel Jackson with the new Nikon 750.
Thank you Father for being the ultimate Provider in my life. Thank you for clearing out the voices of the enemy and providing me with ears to hear and eyes to see. Thank you Father God for giving me the opportunity to grow and become successful in Your eyes and not my own. Thank you for showering me with your mercy and grace, and loving me unconditionally all the days of my life. Thank you Father for putting my husband in my path, one who loves me, even when I do not feel loved. I ask that you continue to work in my heart, teaching me how to be the wife You have created me to be. In Jesus' Name, Amen.