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When undergoing the IVF route for pregnancy, no one openly discusses trauma, embryo loss, or miscarriages because everyone is trying to stay positive. While this is probably best, it does make it hard when walking through the difficulties of loss during or after IVF.
After our embryo loss in October 2023, our lives seemed shattered because we did not have the finances to try again.
Then God showed up. Within the month, someone donated an entire second round of IVF for us.
We began with the injections, had a second egg retrieval surgery, and finally on March 6, 2024, we had our first Egg Transfer. After 8 long years of waiting, on March 15, my bloodwork showed we were officially pregnant! IVF math is wonky but we were already 4 weeks pregnant.
The two (of the three) embryos we transferred stuck and were safely growing in my womb, just as planned.
The next month was beautiful. I experienced very minor pregnancy symptoms, enough to be reminded two little ones were growing. Weekly bloodwork and ultrasounds also confirmed they were on track.
We were encouraged not to tell anyone as the first trimester is so complicated so we did as planned and kept our secret as close to our guarded hearts as possible.
A month went by and we were ecstatic until the painful words came out of our doctor's mouth:
"Carolyn, I don't see a heartbeat."
The doctor continued with more words but I had already tuned out and began praying in between the tears of shock. "Let's see you on Friday. Do you have any questions?" was the last phrase I heard before returning to Daniel's truck.
We were not only shocked because 10 minutes before, we were giggling and cutting up but everything came to a screeching halt. Not only this, but it was Monday and we would have to wait until Friday for the next ultrasound and bloodwork.
The next four days of patiently waiting were excruciating. We praised, cried, worshiped, and fasted. We were on "rinse and repeat" until we ran out of words.
Four days later, the weight of the news had not lifted, prompting our doctor to schedule another appointment for the following Monday.
On Monday, April 15, our doctor confirmed the heartbeat of Baby Jackson #1 had stopped completely and Baby Jackson #2's heart was dwindling and likely would stop in a couple of days.
We stood in faith and trust but ultimately, God would have to take care of the rest. God had kept the heartbeat going for eight weeks and we knew He was the only one capable of making it beat stronger.
Though our doctor mentioned numerous times there was nothing as a couple we did wrong, it was news we were nearly incapable of handling. So, we patiently waited. Friday came and at 9 weeks of pregnancy, we received devastating news about our babies.
Our doctor gave us a few options but his recommendation was for a surgical D&C. So, along with prayer, we continued to trust his recommendation and proceeded with a D&C last Tuesday.
We are still shocked by this heavy news but Daniel and I will continue believing God has our best interest at heart.
With this being said, thank you all for the kind words, sweet cards, beautiful flowers, and delicious meals you provided for us over the last week. We are so blessed by you.
Finally, thank you for your continued prayers as we walk this journey out over the next few weeks, we certainly could not do this without you.
With heavy hearts,
Carolyn & Daniel Jackson